


A trail of notes through the forest and it's trees

by Kuro_Guardian



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America: Winter Soldier, Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), captain america: civil war - Fandom
Genre: Canon Divergence - Iron Man 3, Competent Psychological Help, Gen, Not Avenger Friendly, Not Canon Compliant, Rating May Change, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony deals with his issues, Tony is not a floor mat, Tony-centric, Warnings May Change, not SHIELD friendly
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-12-26
Updated: 2017-03-26
Packaged: 2018-09-12 07:28:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,287
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9062419
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kuro_Guardian/pseuds/Kuro_Guardian
Summary: It can be hard to see what’s right in front of you – the Avengers are not his friends much less his family. At best they are hostile co-workers. Thankfully with the help of his therapist and some serious work regarding his coping methods/expanding his circle of acquaintances Tony is going to take a different path. Good for him – might suck for the so-called Avengers.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I honestly blame this on a comment thread I read from a different story. Oh well - Merry Christmas!

“Tony you need to talk to someone.” Fingers shaking as he handles the cider filled decanter Tony Stark – Genius Playboy and World-class Inventor – could legitimately care less. He could, but it’s hard to ignore that he isn’t doing well. He dreams nightly of the things beyond the hole Loki opened. He dreams of suffocating in a broken suit with the way back closed because Rogers... Sometimes his mind changes it up and he dreams about waking up in alien surroundings being dissected by something.

So he doesn’t sleep much anymore, except he’s not as young as he was and since Afghanistan his health has been rather more demanding. The chronic lack of oxygen, the lingering effects of heavy metal poisoning so near his already damaged heart, the punishment he’s taken as a superhero… all built on top of a lifetime of excess. He doesn’t want to sleep, but he needs too – so he can’t just ignore her.

Useless because he has never been able to ignore Pepper… Doesn’t mean he can’t try. Who the hell is he gonna trust anyway? Who the hell wouldn’t want the infamy and the money that comes with exposing all of Tony Stark’s little issues to the hungering masses? Like they need to know about his crippling fears or his daddy issues or his problem with being handed things… Fuck that for a lark. Maybe he could talk to Bruce or he could just do what he’s always done and keep building until it all makes sense.

He could – “Tony.”And her china fine hands are on his shoulder a gentle pressure that might as well be the weight of the world. What he wouldn’t give to just shrug everything off. “Yes, Ms. Potts?” She doesn’t reply but he can hear her heels clicking as she walks to her briefcase and back. The dark blue folder is slim, but that’s most likely because she has cut out all the fluff. “Please Tony. You can’t go on like this.” Listening to her walk away is one of the hardest things he’s ever done – so how much worse could therapy possibly be?

*******

Therapy sucks. Being “mindful” sucks. Staring at the walls because Dr. Simone will happily wait him out when he refuses to talk sucks. The chair he claims as his own does not suck –  he should ask for the company so he can buy a couple. Do they sell beds? But yeah-no the coffee sometimes sucks. But it is helping. He still builds too many suits and the draw to erratic behavior is like a riptide pulling him under, but he doesn’t feel like he needs to crawl out of his skin. He doesn’t feel like he’s slowly begun to drown. It’s something – or it was until Krillian’s worthless ass showed up.

And Happy is hurt because he couldn’t protect him. Pepper had been altered into a ticking time bomb, but a bit of self-experimentation fixed that. Not that anyone appreciated that or anything. And he didn’t have the suits or his reactor anymore…  Oh, and no one is talking to him right now although Rhodney had read him the riot act coming and going. Although the most damning thing is that he has met the most amazing kid, and if things go along as they have before… That kid is going to end up in a world of hurt because he hanging out with Tony Starks the modern-day Midas.

“I don’t want a gold-plated Harley.”  And bless her heart Dr. Simone only smiles -  “Tony, there is no need to worry. For all the faith you have in your genius, you lack faith in your empathy and your ability to protect. I have no fear that you will let anything happen to Harley – if something should happen it is because it could not be prevented. You aren’t a god Tony – and we both know Thor is a super advanced alien.” Honestly, the fact she can say that with a straight face means he should probably be paying her more.

“I know that look Tony and no. You already pay me five times my normal going rate – that said if you want to do something for me I have some homework for you.” Allowing him to groan and dramatically fall from his seat the petite woman brushes hair as pale as frost from in front of her large eyes. Said eyes search his face with an almost physical touch before brightening. “Is it weird that your eyes are kind of weirding me out? Like you have actual “Precious Moment” eyes and it's kind of creepy, but also kind of awesome as well.” There is that little smile again before she withdraws to a more professional distance.

“At least they don’t remind you of an anime character or a quote ‘creepy-ass doll’ unquote. Either way, Tony I want you to discuss the events with Krillian with one of your friends.” Raising a hand to stall him she continues, “I know you don’t want to “burden” any of your friends, but I also feel like we might have reached an impasse discussing it between ourselves. You need a fresh pair of eyes on this and quite frankly you also need to expand your support group. So, I want you to talk to a friend – can you do that?” Reluctantly he agrees – what’s the worst that could happen? And besides Bruce is a great friend and a good listener. This will be easy.

*******

Rhodes drops him off in front of Dr. Simone’s building after a tense ride and a slightly less tense hug. "Idiot – I’m always there for you and so is Pepper. So don’t shut her out and don’t make me the bridge between you two. Now go see your shrink and try not to traumatize her." Honey-bear always knew what to say… except when he didn’t. Either way Tony has avoided the good doctor long enough as it is. It’s just he has never failed an assignment he cared about and he’s pretty certain that this time he has. Also, could this building be any more pretentious? All it needs is ivy crawling up the sides and it’d be like something out of ‘Girl Interrupted’ or ‘A Beautiful Mind’. 

Studying his shoes he knows he’s stalling, but he doesn’t want to talk about this – which is why he probably needs to. Doesn’t mean he can’t take the stairs instead of the elevator or that he can’t go the long way around through halls that smell of ink and old books awash with the soft sounds of academia and medical scholarship. Wood walls and a carpet you can sink into with a pattern that looks ripped off a pair of argyle socks. ‘How in the hell did Pepper come across this place?’ And thinking about Pepper is hard because he can’t talk to her – they can’t talk to each other. And he needs her as a friend, wants her as a lover… but now he might not even have her in his life much longer.

“Fuck.” “Language Mr. Starks.” Is it bad that he almost flinches at that particular combination of words? It’s probably bad, but fuck – Rogers and Pepper are kind of touchy subjects for him at the best of times. Still, it’s possible to put a good face on anything, “Hey doc. Long time no see – how’s it hanging figuratively speaking?” Maybe laying it on a bit thick if the fine barely visible brow creeping toward Dr. Simone’s hair line is anything to go by.  Briefly a well-hidden dimple peeks out as sardonic amusement tugs at her cupid bow lips. “You’re very pretty. How did I not notice that before? Is it weird I hadn’t noticed that?” A roll of the eyes and a shrug of small shoulders – “You’re deflecting Tony and your session started a good ten minutes ago.” 

A gentle pressure against his arm more suggestion than actual force has him nonetheless walking toward the solid oak door. A tap of her swipe card has it open into a very familiar room – one wall composed of an enormous bookshelf, one wall composed of two large windows, one wall against which lies a plush love seat and chair. Standing by the door he lets his mind drift. Idly he notices things like the fox skull on one of the shelves or the soapstone castle on her desk.  “Tony? Would you like to go?”

Blinking he turns to Dr. Simone who really is rather doll-like being small and pretty with eyes that could swallow you whole. Somehow that’s less terrifying than it should be; probably because her eyes are filled with compassion or something very like it. Perfect little white teeth biting into a perfect pink lip – focus.  She is giving him an out – he could take it. He should take it, instead – “I did what you said, but Bruce fell asleep. I-”.

What else does he have to say? Does he apologize for being so boring? Does he apologize for not apparently being worth enough to be listened to? Why the hell should he have to apologize at all? It’s not his fault that… “Here.” An actual handkerchief is pressed into his hand as he sits (why is he suddenly sitting) on the edge of the loveseat. He should be making a comment about why anyone would be carrying a handkerchief – something about time traveling vampires or – “Why in the world are you so pale? It’s like someone drew you in pastel colors.”

And he could just about smack himself. That was rude – that was so fucking rude. It doesn’t matter that she’s actually laughing for once. Okay, it kind of does because holy shit he hadn’t thought that possible. Still,  “Sorry. I don’t know what happened there.” One little hand waves it off as blue irises as clear as glass catch the light in a dazzling display. Like sunlight on a perfect patch of ice. His thoughts are wondering again, but it can’t be too bad if she is allowing it. “He said he’s not that kind of doctor.”

Something like a sneer touches the surface of her face before sinking back beneath the quiet façade Dr. Simone wears. “Isn’t that lucky? I didn’t ask for you to speak to a doctor, I asked for you to speak to a friend. What a shame you could find neither.” More cutting than the words spoken is the tone of utter disdain. “I’m –“ “I’m not upset with you. I’m pissed at your so-called friend. And I’m quite frankly pissed at your lack of support. It **bothers** **me**  to be frank.” 

He focuses on her hands where they sit on her knee gently clenching and unclenching. It’s the most emotion he’s ever seen her physically exhibit and he’s not sure how he feels about it. He probably shouldn’t feel grateful or pleased, but sometimes it feels like the only things that care are made of steel and electrons. “I’m not alone, but I feel lonely. Is that bad?” Looking up he decides he might start referring to her as Dr. Dandelion considering the short cut of her fine white hair or maybe Tinkerbelle considering how fae she looks.

“It is entirely normal Tony – as the saying goes man is a social creature. That’s  why I worry about you and what your isolation means in terms of how you build connections.” He waits twiddling his thumbs while she looks over him as though searching for a way into his head. With a quiet sigh, she apparently gives up. “Fine. I have another assignment for you – make a list of traits that friends have,  a list of traits that family has, and a list of traits that enemies have. Sort everyone one you know into these groups, but be honest. Bring it next time.”

Five minutes later he’s standing outside wondering when it got so much colder. Ten and he’s sitting in the back of some random cab wondering if this was a bad idea. Fifteen and he has an actual paper notebook sitting in front of him. Twenty and a glass of hard cider sweats next to his hand. Thirty and now he has glass to clean up, but that can probably wait for now. Fifty and he hasn’t even picked up the pen. It’s easier to focus on the world outside. Except the clouds are sitting low enough that he’s reminded of a storm coming in from the sea at the Malibu place. The Malibu place that doesn’t exist anymore… kind of like his relationship with Pepper.

“Loyalty.”  A friend should be loyal as should a family member. Enemies are loyal only to themselves and things they consider an extension of themselves. And so it goes – and the light wanes to be replaced with artificial lights set low. And eventually the windows are unshuttered and the overhead lights go out. But he needs another notebook and maybe a drink – and he should probably get some rest because he’s not sure why he’s standing by a sink pouring over 300,000 dollars worth of liquor down the drain. It’s probably just as well tho’. Probably.

 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again (I've had to type this out a few times today) I did this on no sleep and I have never had a beta reader. I've gone over everything a couple of times, but if you see something iffy or whatnot drop me a line so I can fix it. Constructive criticism is always welcome, but so is non-constructive criticism because that's one of the way I farm prompts for my stories. Okay. Thanks for reading.

“This is good.” The brief puffing of his chest is definitely sad. He shouldn’t be so proud of something so simple. “It’s okay to accept compliments Tony. What isn’t okay is how short the list under “friends” is or the fact there are question marks by nearly all of the names.” He just catches the wince he wants to give – although honestly it’s not like it isn’t true. The sad fact is that for all that his list of traits found in friends is long very few of the people he would label friends have any of those traits. Rhodney and Pepper are the best followed by the bots and JARVIS (who probably shouldn’t count since he built them) and then … other people.  Oh, and Happy is definitely a friend if not a close one.

“Tony?”  He has to stop disappearing into his own head or ass – although he has the best ass. Like on a scale of asses his would definitely be in the top five percentile. He’s procrastinating again – and darting a look over to the good doctor proves it as she raises a single barely visible eyebrow. “Yes, ma’am?” The barest ripple of a smile washes over her incredibly pale face and then – “Do you want to walk through this today or not? We will eventually have to discuss this, but it doesn’t have to be today. You did very well completing this assignment and so I am not going to force you any further than you’re willing to go today. I make no promises about our next appointment however.”

“Aw, doc has jokes!” But yeah it’s probably better to get this out of the way. Probably. “Okay, doc – let’s walk our way through this than. What’s…?  How should I be looking at this?”  She hasn’t even opened her mouth and he can feel himself curling up like a hedgehog shielding its soft underbelly. This is going to hurt and honestly he’s been hurt enough. But whatever Stark men are made of iron. “Really? I’d have thought they were flesh and blood like the rest of us mortals.” This time the wince just manages to slip through his grasp, but honestly he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. “Well, my old man had rather higher ambitions about this sort of thing. If he knew that I were seeing a shrink he’d have an absolute fit. Which honestly means I probably should have done this ages ago.”

The small hope he had of getting a laugh goes up in smoke as sits still studying his face. Running a hand through his hair he grimaces. Might one to have a look at a haircut or something. The shaggy looks works better on Brucie and a nice curly perm went out with the eighties… okay early nineties. Cocaine is an amazing drug, okay? “Okay, so you know Howard was hella rich by the time I was born, right? Okay. Okay so people have certain conceptions about rich kids. We’re all “lazy”, “stupid”, “selfish”, “greed” troglodytes. So that means no one wants to deal with you unless they can get something out of it.” And if that wasn’t underselling the problem…

“So my old man decided that I should learn this lesson sooner rather than later and set up a couple of traps. After the third time I started to get kind of paranoid. Then I made a new friend… Jennifer Madison with sour apple green eyes and strawberry blond hair. She had freckles across her nose and a gap you could kick a field goal through. She was also a lure into my first ransom.” Dr. Simone looks rather disturbed by this, “Wasn’t your first ransom attempt when you were seven?” Yeah, okay that would definitely put someone out. “Yeah. Luckily not long after that I got my first grade skip and got dumped in with a bunch of third graders.  Thankfully they saw me more as a pet then an annoyance. “Honestly third grade was pretty aces.

Dr. Simone does not seem to agree going by the rather worried expression she wears. “Okay, if they saw you as a pet then they probably weren’t interested in you as a friend. And if that was just your first grade skip something tells me this isn’t something that got better.” He shrugs but it isn’t like she is wrong.  Honestly it had been pretty decent until he got kicked up to high school and then it had all gone downhill from there. At that point he had been just big enough and old enough that people hadn’t felt too bad about putting him down either physically or verbally. That was also the point at which people had really started trying to pump him for stuff because what the hell else was he good for?

“Well, I guess I can kind of see the problem -” “No.  However, let me give you a quick thought experiment. You say your first grade jump was at age seven. Considering how intelligent you were why weren’t you immediately skipped past kindergarten and first grade instead?” The answer seemed pretty obvious – his mom had wanted him to stay a child just a little bit longer. Except that couldn’t be it because she had fully supported all the grade jumps and school transfers. “I don’t know?”

Dr. Dandelion is kind enough not to roll her eyes, “All brain development is not created equally. While brilliant in terms of analysis and retention you have to admit you are rather less clever at social requirements. And a large part of that is your mechanical and engineering acumen were given priority over your social development. Of course, it may well be that it had to be that way in order to protect both you and your classmates. There is also the issue of you perhaps not being able to connect to the average or even above average child despite your age.”

Okay, that makes sense. So he got the chance to not be bored, but he didn’t get the chance to learn basic social cues. Actually that explained a lot. “Pep always said I had the social skills of a damn preschooler… Which is honestly kind of rude. I have the social skills of at least a third-grader maybe even like fourth grade. Besides what the hell does that say about her and Rhodney? Especially since I slept with her? Does that make her like a pseudo-pedophile or something?” The rather odd sound the good doctor gives manages to distract him from images of what’s his face asking Pepper to have a seat. She gives it again and he realizes she is trying to stifle a laugh.

“Um, I don’t think that is a path we should traverse Mr. Stark. Instead let’s look at your relationships with Mr. Rhodes, Ms. Potts, and Mr. Banner.” Honestly, imagining Pepper beating the catch a predator guy with a nice briefcase is much more appealing. “Well, I mean they put up with me-” “Let me stop you there. A relationship should not be about “putting” up with someone. The fact you feel that you are a burden on these people who are supposed to be your friends is rather worrisome. The fact you act like this is a fact and that the issue lies with you tells me that the idea you are a burden may well have originated outside of yourself. And that is simply unhealthy.”

She doesn’t get it. Rhodney and Pepper have been with him for ages. They’ve put up with his weirdness and his stupid schedules and him being an idiotic asshole and… Pepper almost got killed by Stane and Rhodney was still on the military’s shit list for not securing Stark weapons and he could have died when Vanko fucked with the Warmachine armor… Pepper got shot full of extremis ‘cause he couldn’t keep his dick in his pants twenty years ago or whatever and Happy got fucked over because he had the misfortune of having a boss with a fat mouth. “I create my own demons, but they target everything within five miles of me.”

Like those poor soldiers in Afghanistan or those people on the highway Stane wrote off as “collateral damage”.  He nearly jumps out of his skin at the barely there pressure of Dr. Simone’s hand on his knee. And she may have noticed if the compassion (pity) in her eyes is anything to go by. Maybe a joke, “Hey, careful there I have something of a heart condition.” She is definitely not smiling. Fuck. “Tony. You did not create your godfather’s egomania or his sociopathic tendencies. Nor did you make your father screw over Vanko’s. I know for a fact Justin Hammer has always been a massive asshat, and no normal person gets blown off and decides start making people bombs. Stop taking the world on your shoulders. Other people do exist outside of you and they will behave independently of you. You are not God; you are an imperfect man trying his best to be good. And that’s enough.”

“You called Hammer an asshat.” That totally sounded like a thank you. It’s just a really, really subtle version of one is all. Luckily she just smiles revealing a massive dimple, “Oh my god you’re made of puppies.” That totally didn’t leave the confines of his head. Please don’t let him have said that out loud to another human being. “Why do people keep saying that?” Aw, her confused face is even cuter. That’s not fair. That is so not fair. “Probably because you’re adorable. Were your parents spaniels? Maybe you’ve got some Labrador in you? It’s fine to tell me. You know all my secrets anyway so it’d be like mutually assured destruction.” There’s that smile again, now with 1000% more sassiness. “As if – Ms. Potts had me effectively sign away ownership of my soul if I ever thought to leak your secrets.”

He has to nod at that because that does sound like Pepper. So effective and terrifying and effectively terrifying … he probably shouldn’t find that hot. A glance at the clock show they’ve moved pass their normal stopping point, but her hand is still on his knee and it doesn’t feel like they’ve reached a proper ending point. “Tony, we are going to talk more about the issues raised today, but for now it might be best to instead focus on something else. So I’m going to give you another homework assignment. No. Don’t look like that. I think you will enjoy this one.” Giving his knee a pat she stands up and strolls over to her desk which is surprisingly a bit of a mess today. “Ah ha!” With a quick little fist pump she turns around and hurries back over to him. “Here.  I want you to go to this event and mingle. No flash or trying to impress – just talk to another human being.”

There is no way this is gonna work. He’s Tony fucking Starks – “And don’t think I’ve forgotten about that weird mask you wore the first time you showed up for a session.” Oh…yeah. She has a definite point there. “You know Herr Doctor you know entirely too many of mine secrets.”She folds her arms and raises her nose, “Eh, is part of ways to ams be making youse talk.” Even her horrible fake Eastern European accent is adorable. “Aw… teacup puppies. You are made of teacup puppies and I’m almost positive that level of adorableness is completely illegal.” He isn’t too surprised when she throws a pillow at him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote two chapters! I also need to go to bed, but I think I've reached that point where my body hates me enough to forgo sleeping. Like way to be passive aggressive body. So yeah enjoy! Mostly because I never seem to update my longer stories although I'm trying to do better this year... fingers crossed.
> 
> Oh! Right! Um... criticism, errors, virtual high-fives I am cool with all of that. Moreso since my favorite website got 404'd thanks to internet drama. Le sigh. I need something to distract me until I find something else to latch onto.

There is no way in hell this is going to work. He is Tony fucking Starks and his luck is goddamn schizophrenic on a good day and full on BPD on a bad one. Even if so far he’s managed not to fuck himself over something is definitely going to go horribly wrong. Someone takes up entirely too much of his personal space as they squeeze by and what if they had decided to stab him? This is dangerous and he doesn’t know these people and at least half of them would probably be trying to skin him alive if they had any idea he was here. He should go. He is going.  He –

He is a complete klutz who has just managed to spill some dude’s drink all over him. “Fuck. I’m sorry. Do you – um… That probably isn’t dry-clean only is it?” Honestly, the “outfit” should just be burned, because fashion has done nothing to deserve this atrocity. The body wearing the alleged outfit is a simply bizarre combination of lanky and vertically challenged with hands that remind Tony of his mother’s and feet of a size out of a cryptologist’s wet dream. Wait no – cryptologist deal with codes… He’s thinking of – “Hey what do you call someone deals with like big foot and the lochness monster?” And yes he just said that to someone he doesn’t know from Adam. Flawless victory. Absolutely nailed it.

Sir Lanky of Awkward Ville, who might possibly be all of ten years old going by his soft baby face, pauses his attempts to clean up and thinks. “I don’t know man. I want to say cryptozoologist but I’m not too sure that’s right. Why? Gonna make a Bigfoot joke?” He sounds exactly like Shaggy… This was meant to be. “Wow Burning Man you sound exactly like Shaggy from the Scooby gang. How are you not spectacularly bitter?” Burning Man just laughs and gives a finally swipe at his shirt. “Eh, you can either spend your life crying or you can try laughing most things off. I’d rather see a glass half full then drown myself in tears, you know? Life is meant to be enjoyed. Oh and my name is Gregory Valentine, but everyone calls me Lance. It’s a long story.” “Well why don’t you tell me all about it over coffee and I’ll tell you story of how my friend hooked up with gal named Fred… Spoiler alert she wasn’t exactly a girl.”

***

Kicking back another text Tony finds himself relaxed for once as he waits for Dr. Simone. Then again unlike so many times before not only has he completed an assignment, he has knocked it out of the park. His phone blinks again as he receives another reply this time from The Blind Roommate. TBR probably has a damn name, but TBR is almost solely referred to as “Roommate”, “Roomie”, and on one occasion “The Shogun”. 

_Hey broshep, like would it be a bad thing if I kind of messed with the fuses for this floor? Like I wasn’t trying to break anything, but the lights kept flickering and I don’t feel like cleaning up because of a short in the wiring. Like I have a job and a side gig – cleaning is for chumps. Besides Roomie regards cleanliness as an insult- his mad skillz require a gauntlet let only the strong survive._

Honestly it feels kind of awesome being the semi-sane one for once. Although sometimes he worries about the continued health and safety of the Roomie and Burning Man… clothing should not have the ability to move it’s self. Another beep and the dynamic duo have sent him a short video of TBR’s admittedly “mad skillz”. _Skills is spelled with an‘s’ not a ‘z’ and I’m pretty sure I saw a group of rats cheering behind you._  Laughing at a picture of them flipping him off with the caption, “Skillzix lives- respect the classics” it is with a grin on his face that he meets a rather flustered head shrink.

Running her fingers through her hair for what is probably the umpteenth time Dr. Simone looks like she fought the law and came out on the worse end of a tie. “Alright doc?” Managing something that could potentially be a smile the petite woman can only shake her head while muttering something that sounds suspiciously like a great deal of profanity. Lucky enough for her he is a man of great tact and restraint who understands she is having a difficult day.

“Language doc.” He tried and really that’s all you can ask from someone. Besides which the look she gives him as she slams down a stack of folders is priceless. That’s why he takes a picture tags it _#spellingmatters_ and sends it to the guys. “As a professional it would be bad for me to launch something at your head. As a human being I have limits and there isn’t a court in the country that will convict me.” She says it with a smile so really she thinks it’s funny and almost definitely doesn’t mean that. Probably. It’s always the super professional ones you have to be terrified of.

Taking a seat on her desk and clutching a stress ball the small woman exhales and then shrugs. “Alright, so let’s talk about you. Since you don’t look like a dog waiting to get smacked with a newspaper I have to assume you managed the assignment. Yes or no?” A grin sketches its self back onto his face. Bluntness he liked, bluntness he could deal with. “Yeah doc. I went to that thing and it mostly boring and people kept trying to hand me things, but I literally ran into some dude who sounds exactly like Shaggy from the Scooby gang and we hit it off. Also apparently his roommate has like mad navigation skills with a z or something. So…yeah.”

That should be her cue to smile and maybe toss a congratulation to him. Instead she looks rather pensive, “Tony… when I mentioned the mask I didn’t mean wear it forever. And don’t lie to me.” Okay so he maybe hasn’t mentioned the whole Tony Starks thing, but really… okay he has nothing. Still that’s like a really big thing and they just got started and it sounds like he’s talking about a romantic relationship. Fuck. “But teach how do I know if he likes me for me unless I sound him out a bit more… and by that I mean um explore his opinions of Stark versus like shoving a tuning fork up his ass. ‘Cause that’s what sounding is…I think.”

The look on the doctor’s face is very familiar… like belongs on a certain redhead’s face instead level of familiar. Hmm, the question is whether that’s a nature expression or something that he just kind of engenders in people who put up with him on a prolonged basis. “Okay, so let’s talk about relationships and what defines a healthy one. Since you seem to be stuck on the idea of people putting up with you.” Psychic – the woman is psychic. Pepper literally found a damn psychic… Pepper is so fucking awesome. “I have no idea what that face means Tony and something tells me I don’t want to. So let’s look at some of your relationships.”

If he continues making more faces will that get her to move on to a different topic? Probably not – she might be as adorable as a basket full of puppies, but she is as tenacious as a damn pit bull. “Okay. Well, my father was a relentlessly self-improving weapons seller from Jersey with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. He would drink like a fish and make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. A sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament.” The pillow that bounces off his face is almost a surprise. “That is not what I meant and you know it.”

The shrug he gives almost feels natural, but really sooner began is sooner done and he wants this over yesterday. “Alright, me and Howard didn’t really get along. I know he had about the same issues as me: too smart, too smart-mouthed, too weird. So it’s no surprise that we were at loggerheads basically all the time. That doesn’t mean I didn’t love him or he didn’t love me, but it does mean that neither of us liked each other.” And that’s the truth people just sort of ignored like you had to enjoy being around people you loved. That’s not how it works… loving someone isn’t really a choice but liking someone is and he didn’t have to like his father to love him dearly.

“Okay, so it was completely different with mom and Jarvis, the person not my- well, okay so I liked them and I loved them and I want to think they felt the same way. However, the reality of the situation is that my mother was in some ways like the stereotype of a society lady. She gave to charity and attended galas and I barely saw her more often than not. It’s why I focus on the songs we used to play on the piano because those are the clearest memories I have of her. And Jarvis was the damn butler. Like he took care of me, but that was kind of his fucking job. So there was always a kind of barrier there.”

Jarvis had at least liked him even if he hadn’t necessarily loved him and that was maybe more important, because he had had more people love him then he had people like him. “Okay, but then there was Rhodney and he didn’t have to put up with me. He didn’t have to spend time with me. He didn’t have to like me or love me, but he took up for me and he watched out for me and I never made it easy for him. Over thirty years of his fucking around and he’s still here even though I ditch commitments and I lie about my health and I behave like an asshole. And I think he likes me at least some of the time because he puts up with me when he doesn’t.” And if he doesn’t want to do this anymore but he might as well finish.

“So it’s me and Rhodney and one day this little spitfire with bright hair and freckles stomps into my office with a can of mace and tells me I’m a dumbass.” The snort Dr. Simone gives seems to surprise them both. “Excuse me. Please go on.” He smiles ‘cause this is one of his favorite stories and he doesn’t deserve her. He really doesn’t – “So I fire her, but it turns out she was right so I rehired her as my personal assistant. Then I basically make her life a living hell for a couple of years until I take a fuckton of shrapnel to the chest and then I put the moves on her before making her the target of my psycho godfather. Oh and did I mention the godfather who apparently wanted me dead? The godfather who pretended to love me and occasionally like me and honestly tortured and tried to kill me did I mention him? Fuck.”

He can’t-“It’s okay to be upset Tony. He violated your trust on a level almost never seen. From our first session you maintained that you’d known him your entire life. He was there for your birthday parties and the award ceremonies the other adults in your life missed. He took care of the company when you were still too young to handle it. He handled things when your parents had their accident. And then he tried to arrange an accident for you before trying to kill you with a perversion of the Iron Man suit. It’s okay to be angry and to hate him, but it’s also okay to love and miss the man you remember him as before Afghanistan.”

He nods, but he doesn’t quite believe that. It doesn’t make sense considering everything that happened, especially since he nearly murdered Pepper. And because Stane did end up being (indirectly) responsible for Yinsin dying. That was unforgivable. “Okay, so I – I don’t know. I guess I have some issues with trust and also connecting with people because I’m never sure where the barriers are. Like Rhodney has been with me since forever, but when I wanted him to help me with the Iron Man suit he completely shut me down. And later on he stole the Warmachine armor… Like he had help because I don’t just leave plug-n-play armor lying around, but he still just kicked my ass and left because that made sense to him I guess.”

And Pepper was like Jarvis because he paid her, and when they danced she had mentioned that people would… “I made her CEO and sometimes I think she resents me for that because people think she got it for spreading her legs. Also the Avenger thing makes stuff a lot more difficult for her… But I wasn’t lying when I said she was the only one I had. I mean – if she hadn’t made a damn display out of my old reactor I would have died. Like I don’t know – is this messed up?” She hands him another handkerchief and then sits beside him quietly humming. It’s peaceful and five minutes later he walks out with another assignment: Tell Burning Man the truth.

 


	4. Chapter 4

Tony Stark is many things – a philanthropist, a fucking genius, a former playboy, and motherfucking Iron Man. What he is not is a damn teenage boy, so why the hell is he sitting here acting like one? It’s disgusting: sweaty palms, fidgeting, practicing opening lines… Rhodey can never know – the Great Crunch and Reformation will have occurred before he even thinks of letting this go if he finds out. And while this would totally be karmic retribution for telling those ensigns about that one time with the very manly lady of the night… fuck karmic retribution. Where the hell was Howard’s bitch slap from lady Karma?

   
Closing his eyes and carefully counting from base eight Tony finds his heart rate slowing. He doesn’t need to travel that path again. Tonight isn’t about how he fucked up in the past; it’s about how he’s going to continue onward in the future. Exhaling he almost runs his hands through his hair until he remembers the damn mask. Maybe he should have asked Natasha about this – not like the actual situation, but how she dealt with being a traitorous wrench who lied to get near him. Not that he’s bitter or anything. Because being bitter about business is just childish. Then again no one had ever not accused Tony of being fucking childish or narcissistic or a backstabbing bastard.

   
Studying the cup in front of him Tony practices breathing again. He needs to be mindful – he is focusing on dark thoughts whereas ten minutes ago he was anxious but positive. Why? What are the common themes, Tony? And he should probably be at least somewhat weirded out by the fact Dr. Simone’s voice has begun narrating at least some of his thoughts. Alternatively he could focus on the content and meaning of said thoughts versus the window dressing around them.

   
So, okay. There was the mess with his parents. His parents who died because Howard was driving like a bat out of hell. And he was driving like a bat out of hell, because Tony couldn’t keep his mouth shut. All he had to do was pretend to be pleasant for five minutes and they would have been fine. Yes, Howard was being a righteous cunt, but Howard was always a righteous cunt with a massive hard-on for Capsicle. So, why couldn’t Tony just let it go for once? Just once for his mother? “Come on, say I love you to your father, for me bambino.”

   
And then there was Natasha who thought he was worthless outside of being Iron Man. Natasha who he open himself up to and who encouraged him to ‘do whatever he wants’, but who then said that doing so made him a liability. Iron Man yes, Tony Stark not recommended. As for the rest – everyone knew that he was a childish, narcissistic asshole who brought trouble on everyone around him. Isn’t that why he and Pepper aren’t talking right now? Isn’t that why even Rhodey had seemed to be tired of him these last couple of years?

   
Okay, so putting it all together. The problem he’s having right here is that people have an idea of Tony Stark, and that idea is not a pleasant one. Further, every time he tries to be honest or he doesn’t curtail himself he makes things worse. Sometimes amazingly worse, but here he is about to maybe destroy a relationship. Okay. He’s scared. If he puts himself out there and it blows up in his face, where will he go from there? Fuck it. How much more difficult can this be then telling everyone he’s fucking Iron Man? Not like Burning Man has AIM’s resources…probably.

   
===

   
It takes another fifteen minutes for Burning Man to make an appearance and he’s leading or rather dragging along another man who could be the Dude. Except the Dude wasn’t prone to carry around walking sticks or cursing in what might be Cantonese. Burning Man stops and looks around for a minute before spotting him and growing a huge grin. “Hey! Callback Kid! I brought the Roommate!” Burning Man is a tragedy of almost deliberately ignored social cues. It’s adorable and this relationship was obviously meant to be – and what in the world did he just think?

   
Either way he has no time to sit back and think over things, because Burning Man and TBR are attempting to arrange themselves around the stupidly small table he got. Although if anyone were to ask him why he had chosen such a small table Tony doubts he could explain. It had seemed like a good idea at the time. A chill runs down his spine as he realizes that such a phrase was the opening line to half the most ridiculous stories of his life. The other half were prefaced with the words, ‘I swear to God I was sober when we started.’

   
“Okay, so what’s the deal man? I mean – the way you put things I thought it was like pod people level of excitement.” For the last year or so Thor had been Tony’s mental image of a human version of a Golden Retriever, but Burning Man is doing an amazing job of co-opting that. In contrast TBR looks like a very judgmental cat. “Maybe he’s finally going to come clean about being Tony Stark.”

   
Three things happen at that point: 1) Tony inhales his coffee instead of air, 2) Burning Man laughs when he should have chewed and begins choking, and 3) TBR clicks the record prompt on his Stark Phone. Dredging up all the wonderful Italian profanity he can remember Tony wheezes and gags as he performs a half-assed Heimlich on a certain hippy. This apparently means nothing to the asshole helping himself to Earl Grey cookies and the rest of Tony’s coffee.

   
Finally Burnie coughs up the blockage to the sound of applauds and clicking cameras. Meanwhile Tony’s throat has stopped trying to murder him via swelling although it is producing a rather troublesome sound right now. “Damn is it over? Oh, well I’m totally uploading this to my page as soon as I figure out the function for that. Could one of you idiots hit stop and then save for me?” TBR is a deeply awful person. “You are a deeply awful person. That phone comes with a voice function as part of its accessibility options. Do you listen to nothing I tell you?”

   
TBR might blink, but it’s hard to tell with the shades. “I don’t need your damn accessibility options broseph. I have mad skills.” Tony, don- “Yeah, well like that’s just your opinion man.” The silence is filled with Burnie shoving more cookies and assorted finger foods down his throat. “You’re an asshole man. I appreciate that. People are really too damn eager to infantize me and it’s damn annoying. Now press stop before we have to do even more editing prior to me uploading.” Taking the phone with a grumble Tony presses stop and then save before handing it back. Of course, he also makes a point of flicking on the damn accessibility options.

   
“Sorry man, le Shogun here is like seriously obsessed with the idea you sound like Tony Stark or whatever. Like I get it ‘cause you kind of do – but like you aren’t him and I mean I sound like a fucking cartoon character. It’s just a thing or whatever man. Got anymore of these coconut thingies?”Sighing Tony takes a seat and then looks around before tapping out a quick sequence on the box by his feet. Instantly, the world blinks and then dulls with the sounds around them being quieted to a soft undertone. Burnie looks a bit put-out.

  
“Dude if you are like Tony Stark I am going to be so pissed. Like do you have any idea how much I bet that you weren’t?” Of all the scenarios that had crossed Tony’s mind this one wasn’t even on the damn horizon. “Um… no. I mean I’m a litt- no I am like a lotta surprised that I have apparently been made this entire time by Daredevil’s more laid-back cousin over here.” The Dude formerly known as TBR snorts as he waves a lazy hand. “Don’t insult me like that broseph, like if I’m biting on anyone’s style it’s that one blind dude from that Stephen King book. You know with the motorcyclists and the creepy old guy. I think it was ‘The Black House’ or something.” “Dude that’s like racist or something; I am like so appalled or whatever. But seriously are there more of these coconut thingies. They are like my favorite food as of five second ago.”

   
If Tony had any sense he’d thank his lucky stars and not stare a gift horse in the fucking mouth. Sadly Tony has proven time and time again that sense and he aren’t even on speaking terms most of the time. Therefore, “Okay, not to sound like a dick or anything, but I’ve got a few questions if you don’t mind?” Both his table mates nod after sharing a look – or telepathic communication, seeing as one of them is incapable of looking at anything. “Sure man.”

   
“Okay, first off how the hell did you just decide I was Tony Stark? I mean I sound like myself because voice modulators are shitty and pointless, but you had no doubts at all apparently. Two, just let me get all my questions out please, two – why the hell are both of you so damn calm about this? I’m grateful that you two are taking everything in stride, but its weirding me out just a little bit. Finally, question numero tres, is it weird that I kind of want to adopt both of you as my personal entourage? Like just the idea of introducing you two to the other avengers is several kinds of hilarious. Okay I’m done.”

   
The Dude nods and then shrugs, “To be honest brah, I don’t know why I’m so copacetic with all this. Then again, like, I guess I’ve never heard you so relax. Like, the cat you are in front of cameras ain’t the cat you are in front of me. And I suppose I like the cat in front of me, even more so now that we’re not playing bullshit spy games. So yeah…” Burnie manages to nod and murmur what is probably his agreement even as he slurps down a sugary sludge pretending to be a cup of tea.

   
Setting down the cup with that strange delicacy of his, like anything more forceful would shatter his long fingers and slender wrists, Burnie sighs and then looks at him. “Okay man, I am like not at all articulate so bear with me. You’re a fun guy and I like hanging out with you – and so I don’t care if the you you are is like Tony fucking Stark or like the spaz who made me spill my drink all over myself. It is all of one to me and also you are paying the bet fee because I am not the one made of “fuck you” money.” Giving another nod Burnie yawns, stretches, and then conks out on the table.

  
“Does he do that a lot?”

“Yep.”


End file.
